“That’s an interesting take,” I say not listeningly.
I spilled beer on a guy. He said “You wanna dance?” I said “Can’t, I don’t have my dancing shoes on.” He was so disappointed, he beat me up.
I trace wine labels in crayon and hang them from our fridge magnets; people think we have disturbingly gifted children.
After hitting that pothole I can see spring’s in the air…along with a wheel and the rest of my suspension.
We’re lucky fire rhymes with liar liar; who knows what might have happened to our pants.
Sure I wish I had focused more on my finances, but back then who knew money would catch on.
Remember to set your wireless bra to ‘airplane mode’ before take off.
Say what you want about my short term memory…unless you already have…
Not to date myself, but nobody else will.
I wear jogging pants underneath my running pants in case I need to slow down.
My first class ticket to the weekend never arrived, so I went couch.
I believe there’s at least 1 killer tweet in each of us. I must have had 2 and they killed each other.
As soon as I figure out what an unto is, I’ll consider doing it to others.
That tweet was so bad I felt sorry for the alphabet.
Psychiatrist: You seem much better!
Me: Thanks, the airline lost all my baggage.