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Page of caithuls's best tweets

@caithuls : [someone stops being my friend]
ah that's sad they must have died

@caithuls: YOU (trying to insult me): I bet you’re fun at parties
ME (insulted but the wrong way): I am not! How dare you

@caithuls: COP: License and registration please

ME: Can't sell ya those but I do have drugs

@caithuls: ME: [watching tv]

FRIEND: You should turn it on tho

@caithuls: [first date]
ME: Wanna get out of here and *looks around nervously* go to separate places separately?

@caithuls: Got kicked out of karate class for kicking people out of karate class

@caithuls: [my head is bleeding]
HIM: Have u seen a doctor???
ME: Buddy, I've seen several. Let me tell u about a little show called Grey's Anatomy...

@caithuls: Easiest way to make friends? Craigslist
Hardest way? Hmm probably putting your chin on a stranger's shoulder from behind them at an Arby's

@caithuls: One of my favorite things about sports is when they put the designated object in the designated area ahhhh what a rush

@caithuls: INTERVIEWER: And you know how to operate a forklift?

ME: Yah, that's how I eat pal