tried to buy two florentine cookies and the guy at Canter’s was like “better make it 6 actually” and I was like “ok”
“soooo little update I’m kinda seeing someone..” — me to my psychiatrist about the tall shadowy figure in a bowler hat in the corner of my room
be aware when you do a search and replace in your script to change someone’s name from Chris to Ryan that suddenly your characters are going to be talking a lot about the upcoming Ryantmas season
My favorite part of Twisters was the throughline about the storm chasers being altruistic, ditching science to help people, like for instance telling them to go the opposite direction of the tornado, or find shelter, or “get down.” Where would these Oklahomans be without them
[me giving my friend who owes me $12 a tarot reading] oh wow. okay. the tower. in the tarot this is traditionally the symbol for you owing me $12
The new MAX app friggin ROCKS! My favorite thing is when I go to watch an episode of TV I’ve previously viewed and it brings me straight to the end credits then immediately autoplays to the next episode’s end credits as well. Smart! Everyone knows the credits are the best part ☺️
Never date a commercial actor cause after you guys break up and you just wanna kick back and watch the tube you have to keep seeing them driving a Kia Sorrento or being really excited about dish soap
Overwhelmed. Switching over to TikTok for a while to watch hot people do stupid stuff
“Endorphins” after working out is a scam, one is simply happy that they are no longer working out
“ANYWAY” — me when I’m about to keep talking about the thing I’ve been talking about for the last ten minutes
“Necessity is the mother of invention” okay I’m hooked, who’s the dad, is he still in the picture are you guys still together
me: god grant me the serenity
god: no ❤️
Every birth announcement I see the parents are like “we’re already so in love!” Just once I want a “she seems chill but we’ll see what happens”
Can anyone explain what’s happening in front of my house none of these belong to me
“LMAO WHO DID THIS” — me as a homicide detective