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@capricecrane : People who love dark chocolate are always so snobby about it. Relax. It's just chocolate, you elitist ninnies.
@capricecrane: Accidentally walked into the men's room so I just went ahead and used the urinal so it wouldn't be awkward for anyone.
@capricecrane: Now's a good time to change your facebook name to "Nobody," so when you click like on ignorant statuses it says, "Nobody likes this."
@capricecrane: What they say: "Wow, you're really photogenic."
What they mean: "Wow, this looks nothing like how ugly you actually are."
@capricecrane: Alanis Morissette sings about having 10,000 spoons when all she needs is a knife. And nobody asks why she has 10,000 spoons?
@capricecrane: I bet that Heimlich was just a perv who molested people from behind, and one time accidentally saved someone from choking.