her: did you wrestle in high school?
me: do my emotions count?
What if instead of meth you made the powerpuff girls?
therapist: your chart says you identify as a narcissist?
me: no no, i said arsonist
therapist: ok great, I’ll correct that now
me: the best arsonist this world has ever seen
Hemorrhoids should be called a more gender-neutral name, such as themorrhoids.
therapist: would some music help you feel more centered?
me: no thanks, I’m self-centered
therapist: again, that’s why we’re here
How do you pay an electrician? You wire them the money.