me: this could’ve been an email
me: no not like that
judge: how do you plead
me: *burps* excuse me
judge: you are excused
me: [running away] gottem lol
i may not be eating healthily rn but am i sleeping well? also no.
i just overheard this conversation from my family and i honestly give up jesus christ
sister: the bus driver earlier had sunglasses on + it’s been raining all day
sister: i wonder why. maybe he was blind?
dad: oh yeah, maybe
[they watch tv in silence]
casting director: can you play a Canadian?
casting director: [under breath] holy shit
the guy who invented predictive text died yesterday
his funfair is next Friday