my math may be off, but i think there are at least 2 million people at trader joe’s right now
kinda want to get my dog to bark for 2 minutes as my voice mail so no one ever leaves me one again
before puppy: ‘i’ma jump in the shower’
after puppy: ‘i’ma jump in the oven’
[ from bed ]
*accio coffee*
damnit it didn’t work again
squid in the streets, octopus in the kitchen, did i do that right?
barbie baked bread before becoming bamboozled by bearded beavers