[ first day as a bartender ]
*takes a sip of the drink while it’s still on the counter because I over filled it*
[ I am abducted by aliens ]
alien: it’s been 5000 years since we first came and bestowed upon you our wisdom. we excepted things to be… different
me: WANT SOME GUM IT’S AVALANCHE FLAVOR
[Running a marathon]
Guy beside me: are- are you wearing tap dancing shoes?
Smart of them to call it cookies I mean who’s gonna decline cookies? If they’d said this site uses snakes people would be like aw hell naw