Its funny how your parents tell you its their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.
Two blondes walk into a building… you’d think at least one of them would have seen it.
Kissing the back of someone’s neck is a sensuous thing to do.
Unless it’s a stranger in a queue in Primark.
Happy thanksgiving!
A wise Chinese man once said,
“If a dog barks it’s undercooked”
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
I went for a job interview.
The bloke asked, “Where do you see yourself in 10 yrs time?”
“Same as now – in photos and mirrors,” I replied
I put my phone in airplane mode.
Worst. Transformer. Ever.
A router goes into a doctor’s office and says, “It hurts when IP.”
why no one uses midhusbands
My wife said “You only love me because my father left me a million pounds.”
“That’s not true, I’d still love you whoever left it to you”
vegan witches, happy halloween!
Windows: “You may be the victim of software counterfeiting”
no Microsoft,it is you who is the victim of software counterfeiting here, not I
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Greek people must feel like a tampon.
They live in one of the most beautiful places in the world, but at the worst period.