My wife sent me an image of herself which really enticed me into coming home from work early.
It was a picture of her at the airport.
My wife and I have agreed on a trial separation.
The kids aren’t to keen, but my wife and I just don’t want them anymore.
I’ve started dating Little Red Riding Hood’s gran.
She’s an animal in bed.
Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite. Have you ever seen a man get on a bus ahead of one?
I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.
Old Macdonald had a really bad scrabble hand……
E – I – E – I – O…..
Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds super fun if you don’t know what either of those things are.
Someone recently asked me, “What blood type are you?”..
I said , “The red runny type”.
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.
If you play a Microsoft CD backwards, you hear satanic messages. That’s nothing, because if you play it forwards, it installs Windows
MISSING: Black and white cat with red collar. Very intelligent.
Mittens, if you’re reading this, please come home.
If you have a choice between ugly or fat, remember this.
You can turn the lights out on ugly, but you can always feel the fat in the dark.
“I don’t understand swimming. You don’t see fish going for a walk.”
To tell the difference between African and Indian elephants you have to look at their ears.
You lift one up and shout “Where are you from?”
I went to the local art museum, I really enjoyed it and took lots of pictures.
But unfortunately I’m now banned until I bring them back.