Beyonce, shame on you. Beytwice, shame on me.
This is a friendly reminder to go drink water you dehydrated bean
Legal notepads imply that illegal notepads exist
The bear scene from The Revenant, except it’s just me opening a jar of pickles
*eats French fries out of a pack of cigarettes*
Air conditioners are just human refrigerators
*Watching TV*
Hmmm, I should read more
*Turns on subtitles*
Good: being told by your friends that you have a big heart
Bad: being told by your doctor that you have a big heart
If you pronounce “shoes” like “toes”, you end up saying “shows”, but if you pronounce “toes” like “shoes” you end up saying “twos”.
And other thoughts about the English language that keep me up at night
What do you mean you come from a dysfunctional background?
“Well my mom is a compulsive hoar-“
*gasp*
“-der. Wait, what did you think I was going to say?”
Sorry, I get easily distracted
Your stomach probably thinks all potatoes are mashed
Support bacteria
They’re the only culture some people have.
The words “casual” and “casualty” have nothing to do with each other, and that’s why I don’t trust the English language
Sweaters don’t sweat.
Jumpers don’t jump.
And knickers don’t knick.
-Just a few of the reasons that keep me up at night
Want to know what I want with you? It starts with S, has an E in it and I want lots of it
Space.