Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@cervixsmash : I'm gonna name my firstborn “arial”
and people will be like “oh like the mermaid” and i’ll say “no like the font”
@cervixsmash: I like my women with curves. Lots and lots of curves. In a sort of spiral shape, maybe with ketchup. Curly fries. I like curly fries
@cervixsmash: The first caterpillar to turn into a butterfly must of been like YOOOOOOOOO
@cervixsmash: Psychiatrist cannibal by day, pop star singing sensation by night
@cervixsmash: Shout out to slugs for doing everything a snail does without a helmet
@cervixsmash: If a 99 pound person eats 1 pound of nachos that person is 1% nacho
@cervixsmash: If your iPhone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract asians who will fix your electronics for you
@cervixsmash: Mobile tweeting with 3% battery is a lot like the band playing while the titanic sank
@cervixsmash: Every 5 seconds a woman gives birth to a baby. Stop this woman
@cervixsmash: The person who invented marriage was creepy as hell like hey yo I love you so much I'm gonna get the government involved so you can't leave
There is only one rule, it should be funny, you can submit your own tweet or one you think is funny.
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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