Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

Page of cervixsmash's best tweets

@cervixsmash : I'm gonna name my firstborn “arial”
and people will be like “oh like the mermaid” and i’ll say “no like the font”

@cervixsmash: I like my women with curves. Lots and lots of curves. In a sort of spiral shape, maybe with ketchup. Curly fries. I like curly fries

@cervixsmash: The first caterpillar to turn into a butterfly must of been like YOOOOOOOOO

@cervixsmash: Psychiatrist cannibal by day, pop star singing sensation by night

Hannibal Montanibal

@cervixsmash: Shout out to slugs for doing everything a snail does without a helmet

@cervixsmash: If a 99 pound person eats 1 pound of nachos that person is 1% nacho

@cervixsmash: If your iPhone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract asians who will fix your electronics for you

@cervixsmash: Mobile tweeting with 3% battery is a lot like the band playing while the titanic sank

@cervixsmash: Every 5 seconds a woman gives birth to a baby. Stop this woman

@cervixsmash: The person who invented marriage was creepy as hell like hey yo I love you so much I'm gonna get the government involved so you can't leave