@chadchaines: "I just can't wait to hear the audible gasps of amazement from everyone who enters my house."
-Me after spending 6 minutes cleaning
@chadchaines: what jerk ever looked at a hamburger and thought "you know what this needs? A nice, soft, warm piece of lettuce."
@chadchaines: [phone makes noise]
[gets giddy about how popular I'm about to feel]
Oh. It's an email about car insurance.
[quietly dies a little inside]