This librarian isn’t even wearing glasses! I’m not even going to ask her where a book is. She’s not going to know.
This librarian isn’t even wearing glasses! I’m not even going to ask her where a book is. She’s not going to know.
My teenage son says that fanny packs are back in style at his high school. I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT MY ENTIRE LIFE!
Fun fact: At the end of Titanic, when all the people are dying in the water, if you listen very closely, you can hear a faint, “Marco” and then an even fainter, “Polo.”
This year my wife and I decided to make each other handmade gifts for Christmas. She knitted me a hat and I made her a grilled cheese sandwich.
I accidentally swallowed a Christmas ornament and now I have tinselitis.
Sometimes, when I am matching socks, I think, “What if these two socks don’t even like each other?”
Just gave my next door neighbor a giant bag of candy to dump in my sons trick or treat bucket on Halloween so I can go home after one house.
My 12 year old son is going to his first play with us tonight. I convinced him that everyone wears fanny packs to plays. We had to go buy him one at Walmart, but it will be worth it.
If I had a pet unicorn, I’d probably just use it to carry my donuts around.
I went to a wildlife rehabilitation center today and none of the animals were still doing drugs. A massive success!
I forget ONE TIME and my wife changes all my passwords and sets the security question to: “When is your anniversary?”
I wonder if Pink’s parents are named Red and White.
I think the reason giraffes don’t ride in hot air balloons is that their faces would probably get fried off in that flame thing.
If I am picking up lunch and bringing it back to work for you, please expect at least half of your fries to be gone.