Me too door. Me too.
Both my kids are denying ownership of an iPhone charger that they usually fight over. Makes me wonder what crime scene evidence is on it.
The acute panic of my child going to hunt for batteries in my bedroom.
[on a first date]
Me: sure, I’d love to see your basement
Most dead bodies are found by dog walkers or joggers.
Working theory: Dog walkers and joggers are serial killers.
I coughed twice, so now I’m worried that the £67.43 in my bank account won’t split evenly between my two children when I die.
Them: Sex without marriage is a sin.
Me: Well, technically, I am married, just not to him.
Me: oh look, there’s keith, don’t say anything, but he’s obsessed with doors. Oh, hi keith.
Keith: Shut it.