@chopper4jk: Text: How come you stopped drinking?
Me: Because I kept waking up with you.
Her: I hate you.
@chopper4jk: I got new neighbors today, I hope they like my music as much as the last 9 families did.
@chopper4jk: When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I'm sure you already know, have a great time!
@chopper4jk: My son wants to change his given Indian name, so I told Broken Condom he could change it if he really wants to. Kid's these days...
@chopper4jk: If she ever says: What did you just say!? I recommend an immediate heart attack and let the paramedics carry you out of the room.
@chopper4jk: I put an energy drink in my hummingbird feeder, now all my hummingbirds are going back in time and returning with tiny top hats.
@chopper4jk: I hope when I get old, my motorized wheelchair is fast enough the catch the ice cream truck.