Kids today will never understand how many ninjas there were in the 1980s.
Imagine having a cool ass name like Theodore, and then people just call you Ted.
Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it will make you hotter than your ex. Which is sort of the same thing.
[Flirting]
I can turn anything into a PDF, baby.
Most of your problems would disappear if you just turned off your phone. And I know you know that. But not me, bubba. I got jokes to write.
It’s Mental Health Day today.
– Sent from the app that literally causes anxiety.
Are they really a personal trainer, or do they just want to wear shorts to work every day.
Text messages from my mum read like they are from a hit man.
Straight, gay, bi. Doesn’t bother me. But you foot people have some splainin’ to do.
Yes, yes, everyone is stupid except you.
I need to go to jail for about 18 months to catch up on all my reading.
Nobody remembers you winning the 4th grade award for ‘Best Penmanship’, but everyone remembers the one time you called the teacher “mum”.
I tried to pay with cash today, and the kid at the register looked at me like I was showing him a magic trick.
Everyone younger than me is an idiot. Everyone older than me has lost their mind.
If you think voting is pointless wait until you hear about writing posts here.