@citizenkawala

Don’t act like you miss sex now, you weren’t getting laid before either.

@citizenkawala

If you’re depressed, start exercising.

You’ll still be depressed, but you’ll be depressed with abs.

@citizenkawala

How do you restore your body back to ‘factory settings’?

Is it kale? it’s kale, isn’t it? please don’t say kale.

@citizenkawala

93% of men in the 1930s ate their lunch while sitting on the edge of scaffolding at the top of unfinished skyscrapers in New York city.

@citizenkawala

People are impressed by the guy who arrives in a Ferrari.

But they remember the guy who shows up on a pogo stick.

@citizenkawala

Cats sleep 18 hours a day and only get up to murder.

I respect that.

@citizenkawala

Be honest, the only reason our generation played outside more as kids is because we had really shitty graphics back then.

@citizenkawala

When a millenial asks why everyone in old photos have red eyes I tell them they were too young to remember the great demon uprising of the 1980s.