People knock the internet but I’ve just discovered that Swindon Town is the only league football club in England or Scotland that doesn’t contain any letters that appear in the word mackerel.
Turns out you can only accidentally email your boss a photo of a puffin once. Twice and it’s ‘on purpose’.
Eight months since I had laser eye surgery. Still no lasers.
Every work call, he judges.
Me trying to walk in a dream
I very much doubt that actual military commandos go into battle without underwear on.
Mushrooms must be protected from the rain at all times.
I’ve got a joke about Sean Connery’s brother’s attractive daughter. It’s pretty niche.
I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently I’ve got too many windows open.
‘I dunno, maybe just use that image of the girl who’s about to murder her dad’
Day 18 of lock down. Filled the dog with helium.
There’s no point using Latin phrases if you don’t understand what they mean, and vice versa.
It’s actually illegal to see your neighbour washing his car and not say ‘You can do mine next if you want!’.
My grandad used to swear by refrigerators. And televisions. In fact, he was probably the most foul-mouthed member of staff Comet ever had.
You don’t fully know your own strength until someone tries to pull you onto a dancefloor against your will.