I hope in my next life I come back as a McChicken so men will look at me lovingly and also settle for me out of desperation
The fact that my predictive text suggests a potato after I type morning instead of a heart is really all you need to know about me
Whacked myself on the butt with a fly swatter just to feel something
“stop making a mountain out of a molehill” I don’t even know what that means Bethany maybe see a dermatologist
If she can do anything why is there no Money Laundering Barbie?
My dad is watching American Pie and the sex scenes are somehow more uncomfortable at 36 than they were as a teen
Was carded whilst buying wine today and my response was to point out that I was wearing a very sensible cardigan
Strudel me like one of your toaster girls
My mom has more confidence in the people of Oak Island finding the treasure than me finding another husband
Used dog shears to trim my split ends. This is a beauty account now.
My ex once told me not to psychoanalyze him but he left me for a psychologist and I think about this a lot
My Onlyfans is just me drawing venn diagrams and giggling
I hope in my next life I come back as a dog so my pills will be wrapped in cheese