Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of continentlbkfst's best tweets

@continentlbkfst : [after losing a rap battle] me: I didn’t realize how much rhymed with jorts

@continentlbkfst: guy: man this water is warm

extremely narcissistic Luke: nah it’s not that warm this is like a different kind of warm tbh

@continentlbkfst: funny how siblings excel at different things for instance I’m the funny one and my brother is the successful one

@continentlbkfst: getting into an accident in GTA and making my character get out of the car to exchange insurance information with the other driver

@continentlbkfst: [consoling friend after break up]

me: don’t worry there’s plenty of other fish in the sea

global warming: like hurry tho

@continentlbkfst: boss : you’re gonna do the color commentary tonight ok

[later]

announcer: here goes jackson rounding 3rd

me: and those pants are as mustard yellow as it gets folks

@continentlbkfst: [sees my dentist in the store]

*really loud fake phone call voice*

me: ya I’m just picking up some floss cause I ran out probably because I floss every day idk

@continentlbkfst: [if you can make a girl laugh you can make her do anything]

*makes a girl laugh*

me: can you do my taxes

@continentlbkfst: CIA boss: I’ve been informed there is a mole in the office

*gasps*

CIA: I called janitorial but they haven’t found it yet

*laughter*

CIA: also someone in here leaked info

*gasps*

CIA: because tim found out about his surprise bday party

*laughter*

CIA: also someone’s a spy

@continentlbkfst: date: I’m really into dark humor

me, turning off the lights:

wanna hear a joke