If cooking blogs were tweets:
Here’s how to make really easy sugar cookies!
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hats off to all the restaurants who made it through the last 20 years of anti-carb propaganda and still serve free bread as an appetizer
eating all the chips in my house so that I won’t be tempted to eat all the chips
Them: you’re fired
Me: Well GOOD LUCK dealing with this mess when I’m gone *gesturing to my crumb-covered workspace*
can’t talk rn I’m busy cyberbullying people who paint over solid wood antique furniture
thinking about the time i moved into a new spot and there were bullet holes in the ceiling and the owner said the previous resident had seen a real big spider
me (extremely dehydrated and feeling nauseous after drinking nothing but coffee all day): wtf why is this happening the human body is so mysterious
If you make a cup of coffee in the office after 3pm people act like you’re doing a line off the counter
thinking about that time they found a cat sleeping with a baby who’d been abandoned in a box in the cold and everyone was like “omg the cat saved the baby 🥺” but like…I’m prettyyyyy sure the cat was just there for the box
[being murdered]
me: you know you should really talk to someone about all of this. do you want the number of my therapist?
watering my plants with Mtn Dew to recreate their native environment
I have a book called Overcoming Procrastination that I bought in 2003 that I’ve never read
the main thing dating apps have taught me is that there are towns within 20 miles of me that I’ve somehow never heard of
Satan [reading Chicken Soup for the Soul]: wtf this isn’t a cookbook
This is an illustration of how dumb I am in the morning: I woke up yesterday to my “Alarm” on my phone and my first thought was “Aladdin is calling me”