interviewer: this part of your resume just says “entrepreneurial spirit”?
me: [remembering my get-rich-quick scheme of catching rats in the street and trying to return them to the pet store] it was an idea ahead of its time
british sex workers really pound for pound
Garfield: I hate Mondays
Therapist: You don’t even have a job
Establish dominance at the dentist by trying to swallow everything they put in your mouth