Me googling: why do chickens get to run around with no head but humans don’t?
Google response: Why Am I Single Quiz – Take This Quiz To Find Out
Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad:
Wait in the truck
*walks up with my full head of mongooses*
Medusa: Let’s rock.
Me squiggling in heated car seat: now I know what meat in a crockpot feels like
Wife: an asteroid is on it’s way!
Hubby: Did you order that from Amazon too?
Mini tater tots cause sometimes a full sized tot is just too much
Waffles make excellent pill organizers
Prescription drug commercial: the most common side effect is diarrhea
Me: ooo I love diarrhea
I made smoochie face and noises at a deer yesterday and he ran.
That is why I don’t flirt
Never go to sleep after making me angry
… and be generous with the lollipops
– me holding up a bank
“How cute. You have smile lines”
Me: those are from clenching my jaw
Me as hostess: tonight we’re having deconstructed tater tots, deconstructed subs, and deconstructed strawberry pie
*takes guests to the grocery store*
Picks up a package of hotdogs that are oozing grey liquid
Me: these say they have another week
*throws them in the cart*
Passing by a group of ladies:
*conversation stops*
Walking back by:
*conversation stops*Me *giddy* I take their breath away!