Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@cravin4 : My Car would not run, neighbor said it was a problem with the stringy thing..Took it to a Quantum Mechanic and he disagreed w string theory
@cravin4: I dreamt I was getting attacked by a bike repeatedly.
It was a vicious cycle.
@cravin4: There is no such thing as bad cheese there is only bad people who didn't eat the cheese fast enough.
@cravin4: Today my battery went dead on my car key so I had to manually unlock it like the pioneers did.
@cravin4: My wife does this cute thing now & then where she goes out shopping for next years yard sale items.
@cravin4: Things I dipped in Nutella this weekend:
@cravin4: My wife asked if I wanted to go to a pig roast this summer but I've been fat shamed enough already this year.
@cravin4: A sex boycott sounds fun and all but have you ever tried marriage?
@cravin4: Can't, I'm about to turn 50 and my lower back is almost 83.
@cravin4: [Attorney's office]
*checked box for cremation*
*signed last will and testament*
Guess I just made an ash out of myself.
Wife: *rolls eyes*
Did he also sign the DNR?