Hello 911, something is wrong with my teenager and he won’t tell me what it is
I took a shower bc hobo is an aesthetic not a scent
M: so I’ve been thinking
*all of the light bulbs in the house shatter*
This is my emotional support chloroform rag
There are so many of you I would love to hug and like two that I’m afraid they’d make me into a lampshade
It is I, three potatoes in a trench coat, here to avenge the death of my father, big daddy spud bottom
M: there are so many castles for sale in France!
H: but you wouldn’t know anyone there
M: that’s the best selling point there is!
Baby is your name pasture because you reek of pure bullshit
If there is no shredded cheese in my bra right now, I have failed
I just need to go ahead and admit it.
I’m not mature enough to live in a state called Idaho
I’m southern, healthy eating to me is having my potatoes mashed and not fried
9: I don’t get why that words with friends game mom plays is fun
13: it’s only fun because she’s old
I told my bosses I needed the day off tomorrow and they said “mom, when we say no, the answer is no.”
My dog: I need to go out
Me: it’s raining
Dog: out NOW
M: Okay but it’s raining
Dog: *walks outside* oh shit, it’s raining
“omg you’re filtered.. If you ever go missing no one will recognize you to find you”
Ummmm I’m not seeing the down side here