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Page of crocodilethumbs's best tweets

@crocodilethumbs : Everyone talks about how good car sex is while I’m still over here trying to have sex with a person first.

@crocodilethumbs: what if pizza rolls grew into full size pizzas when u put them in water like those dinosaur bath toys

@crocodilethumbs: Mafia Boss: you’re gonna sleep with the fishes

Fishes: we’re not sleeping with this nerd

Me: um technically the plural is *fish*

@crocodilethumbs: Gave money to a homeless man. A stranger lectured me on how he's just going to spend it on drugs and alcohol..

Yeah, OK. Like I wasn't.