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@crocodilethumbs : Everyone talks about how good car sex is while I’m still over here trying to have sex with a person first.
@crocodilethumbs: what if pizza rolls grew into full size pizzas when u put them in water like those dinosaur bath toys
@crocodilethumbs: Mafia Boss: you’re gonna sleep with the fishes
Fishes: we’re not sleeping with this nerd
Me: um technically the plural is *fish*
@crocodilethumbs: Gave money to a homeless man. A stranger lectured me on how he's just going to spend it on drugs and alcohol..
Yeah, OK. Like I wasn't.