@crylenol

I crunched the numbers and this is just incredible. what isn’t he telling us. #Sharknado3

@crylenol

Hamlet, but starring a pig. We call it: Hamlet. Let me explain

@crylenol

VAN GOGH: Go on, open it. You’ll like it. Much better than last year.
GIRL: It isn’t another ear is it, Vince?
VAN GOGH: what

@crylenol

CUTE GIRL: [motioning to my dog] is he yours?
ME: no, he’s adopted

@crylenol

Kinda messed up that marijuana is just a plant. Like, what other plants are drugs?
*tries to smoke a carrot*
Yea I guess I’m feelin it

@crylenol

what if your dentist is the one idiot who disagrees with the all the other dentists? how would you know?

@crylenol

*Cop Dog radios in*
We’ve got an armed robbery in progress
“What’s that boy?”
An armed robbery on 5th
“Timmy’s stuck in a well??”

@crylenol

*Jesus emerges from tomb*
Wow was that 3 days? Holy cow. I was marathoning The Wire. You guys seen this?

@crylenol

Hansel: how are we gonna get home
Gretel: we should leave some sort of trail
Duck: [pitching voice] how about a trail of bread crumbs

@crylenol

*pops out of casket at funeral*
ok but when I actually die you guys better have nicer things to say