PLOT TWIST:
* on a date *
Date: So did you make any New Year Resolutions?
Me: I’m on a diet.
Date: So what will you order for dinner?
Me: Well, I usually get 2 pieces of pizza, but tonight I’ll only order one.
Date: Wow-that’s amazing! You’ve got some will power!
Me:
Not all heroes wear capes.
When your mom is combing your hair for school picture day and she tells you what a handsome boy you are.
RELATIONSHIP STATUS:
Not all heroes wear capes…
Any jeans can be skinny jeans if you eat enough doughnuts.
Not all heroes wear capes…
HIP-STAR WARS:
Obi Wan Quinoa-be VS. Darth Vaper
When you’re watching Scooby-Doo and the scary part comes on.
If you can diet in October around all the Halloween candy-you’re either dying or practicing witchcraft.
Flannel? Well plaid hipsters, well plaid.
Don’t worry little groundhog, when I stick my head outside and see what’s going on in the world today I run back inside and hide too.
Every Monday I say to myself, “Jim…you need to go on a diet and stop eating doughnuts.” Luckily, I am not Jim.
PLOT TWIST: Maybe eating a doughnut wasn’t cheating on my diet. Maybe going on a diet was cheating on my doughnuts.