My gf wouldn’t see the last Batman movie with me until we’d had our eighth restaurant date
Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Batman
My grandfather poured his blood, sweat and tears into his career.
Amazing man. Horrible chef.
One time, I swallowed a dictionary whole.
It was thesaurus throat I’ve ever had.
What do you call someone who chews all day?
A train
Teslas don’t have “New Car” smell…
They have an Elon Musk.
I met a girl who runs a battery kiosk at the park.
She sells c-cells by the seesaw
9 out of 10 zoo dentists refuse to work on a Grizzly unless it has been given a strong anesthetic….
Ther’s safety in numb bears
I took my wife to an orchard and we stood there staring at trees for more than an hour…
Apparently this was NOT the apple watch she was expecting for her birthday
I just invented the world’s fastest escalator.
I call it the “escanow.”
I took my wife to an orchard and we stood there staring at trees for more than an hour…
Apparently this was NOT the Apple Watch she was expecting for her birthday.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
Yamahahahahahahahahaha
I got rejected on my very first blind date and I don’t understand why.
My date asked me if I had any pets and I said that I had a goldfish. Any hobbies? I said yes, he likes swimming.
What’s green, has six legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A billiard table.
I was out on a walk when I saw a sign that said, “Man wanted for robbery.”
So I went in and applied for the job.
‘m developing a new fragrance for introverts
It’s called “Leave me the fuh cologne”