I took my wife to an orchard and we stood there staring at trees for more than an hour…
Apparently this was NOT the Apple Watch she was expecting for her birthday.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
Yamahahahahahahahahaha
I got rejected on my very first blind date and I don’t understand why.
My date asked me if I had any pets and I said that I had a goldfish. Any hobbies? I said yes, he likes swimming.
What’s green, has six legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A billiard table.
I was out on a walk when I saw a sign that said, “Man wanted for robbery.”
So I went in and applied for the job.
‘m developing a new fragrance for introverts
It’s called “Leave me the fuh cologne”
What do you call a shoe made out of a banana?
A Slipper
I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 6 year old son wasn’t actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
China has now legalised all gambling on the condition that it doesn’t make any political statement or upset public order.
Congratulations China, you are all now free to bet.
Ever wonder when birds fly in a V, why is one side is longer?
Because there are more birds on that side
What do you call people that use the “Rhythm Method” of birth control?
Parents.
As I get older, I remember all of the people I lost along the way…
Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t the right choice.
What do you call a woman that sets her credit card bills on fire?
Bernadette.
What element do criminals hate to see?
Copper
I grilled a bunch of elk meat before my buddy told me,
“You’re making a big moose steak.”