What do you call a shoe made out of a banana?
A Slipper
I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 6 year old son wasn’t actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
China has now legalised all gambling on the condition that it doesn’t make any political statement or upset public order.
Congratulations China, you are all now free to bet.
Ever wonder when birds fly in a V, why is one side is longer?
Because there are more birds on that side
What do you call people that use the “Rhythm Method” of birth control?
Parents.
As I get older, I remember all of the people I lost along the way…
Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t the right choice.
What do you call a woman that sets her credit card bills on fire?
Bernadette.
What element do criminals hate to see?
Copper
I grilled a bunch of elk meat before my buddy told me,
“You’re making a big moose steak.”
Everyone said I couldn’t do poetry because of my dyslexia…
But I’ve already made a vase, a kettle, and a jug. Showed em.
What did the 0 said to O?
Ohio!
Have you ever tried archery blindfolded?
You don’t know what you’re missing
You’re locked in a room with nothing but 88 keys, none of which unlock the door. How do you escape?
A piano has 88 keys! All you need to do is play a scale on the piano, then step on the scale and get a weigh.
My Niece was just born in japan and got the Japanese Citizenship!
She’s now Japaniece!
I found out my girlfriend was really a ghost
I suspected so, the moment she walked through the door