When 9 pisses off 7 then 7 flips him off with his ring finger. Then I laugh, 9 gets upset and I really shouldn’t be a parent.
boss: you’re fired
me: [pausing tiktok] why
12: dad my friend wants to know if I can spend the ni-
me: YES what time can I drop you off? Now? Is now good?
me: ok I am gonna get on the roof to fix something
12, concerned: are you sure it will hold you?
me: i’m going to buy the box of snack size bags of chips so i don’t eat so many calories
also me: [eats 32 snack size bags of chips in one sitting] well this didn’t work out.
contractor: [looking at a water leak in my office] ok so it’s just a simple fix. you could do it yourself if you wanted to
me: yea i don’t
The kids were being so annoying at bedtime last night, I threatened to take them back in time and put them to bed early.
3 things in life are certain: death, taxes and me not actually working past 1 pm on a Friday
“why is all our cereal stale?!?!”
my 9 yo says as he puts away the clearly wide open cereal box back in the pantry.
what ages does the sticky crusty food particles all over the fridge door handles stop? because it’s not 13, 9 and 7.
my wife went to Costco 3 hours ago and now she’s ignoring my calls. this can’t be a good sign.
me: *joking* i’m always right! i’m NEVER wrong.
7: well. sometimes you are. remember when –
me: shut up
PSA: If you end your meeting early, you let the people go. you don’t say “lets use this extra time to chat and catch up”. i don’t want to, kevin. i want to not be here.
i don’t usually get political here and i’m about to get controversial and i’m sure i’ll lose a lot of followers over this but crinkle fries are the worst fry.
7 asks me every morning if i have to work and we do that 7 days a week no matter how much i explain to him. his excuse is “i’m just a 7 yo enjoying summer. i don’t know what day it is”.