difference between a pillow fort & a high death jump into the coffee table is a parent who isn’t looking
6yo, looking at a cemetery: WAIT HOW CAN THEY ALL DIE IN ONE SPOT
8 wanted to play candy land but I told her I didn’t want to move out of my chair so she played for me & I won 3 out of 4, how can I make life like this
if there’s anything parenthood taught me it’s that weird ppl have kids too & their kids may become friends w/ ur kids culminating in all around awkward small talk at bday functions
we don’t give my son hot dogs not because they’re unhealthy, because he eats them with jelly & the judgement in public is too much
my 4yo threw a tantrum because I wouldn’t lock him in a storage bin & reader, I hesitated
‘daddy this ice cream’s cold’ my 4yo tells me, again adding zero conversational value
6: daddy can u turn up the cold heat
Me: I…I’m not sure what to do
8yo asked y we had an analog clock on the wall but I didn’t know what analog meant so I panicked & told her time was an illusion
my kids wanted fruit instead of cinnamon rolls this am so now I’m left wondering what heinous tantrum is coming later to equal it all out
my kids don’t always go to the bathroom but when they do they need to use the same bathroom at the same time, all together
my kid said her friend was ‘absinthe’ from class today and I’m wondering if should inform their parents
fed my baby with a knife* today if you’re wondering how hard core of a dad I am
*blunted, plastic butter knife
so u have kids?
yes a bunch of them
that’s great, any hobbies?
I don’t understand the question
Me: you need to show me you can be more responsible
7: I AM RESPONSIBLE *drops scissors next to 9mo baby sister*