What idiot called it “insomnia” and not “resisting a rest”?
Mario! Are you coming to save me from Bowser’s Castle?
PEACH I MIGHT BE
Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don’t realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation.
My kid asked for help with her report but if I did it for her she won’t learn! So I showed how to google, change name, & print on her own.
Helped my kid pick out a “famous past explorer” for a class assignment.
Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.
If I were a ghost, I’d spell “antidisestablishmentarianism” on the Ouija board just to waste those idiots’ time.
It is said the population of sheep in New Zealand is 60 Million.
How did they stay awake to figure THAT one out?
“Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight.” — The Swiss Army
Cats always land on their feet & bread always lands butter down, but spread butter on the cat’s back & everyone wonders why you’re naked.
I’m opening a healthy alternative all egg-white omelet breakfast joint.
I really think my “Whites Only!” restaurant idea will be a hit!
Joined our neighborhood watch program. There’s 30 of us though so I only get to wear it like 1 day a month. 🙁
Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
Rather than vote, let’s all fill out the 29 dimensions of what we want in a president and let eHarmony decide.