I went out for a walk and the neighbor kids asked if I could play. Later losers, I have friends now.
I have boogers but they are too big for these holes.
-my 5 yo on blowing his nose.
5 yo- can I roll down the car window?
Me- yeah, just don’t yell at that man.
I always feel slightly ripped off when my toddler poops after I pick her up from daycare.
If you stop vacuuming your stairs eventually they become a snack bar for your kids.
If your kids are getting on your nerves you can take them sledding and watch them face plant into the snow for a sense of justice.
My toddler found a roll of quarters and is throwing money everywhere. Is she Scrooge Mcduck? Am I rich?
Everything about parenting is as unexpected and surprising as finding a dirty fork in the shower.
But, please, why is there a fork in the shower?