I know we are supposed to be worried about AI but I’ve been watching my Roomba throw itself off the stairs every single time I’ve ever used it I think we’re OK for a minute
If I say something happened “the other day” that could mean any time after 1994
“Goddamn you’re so well put together I can’t wait to take you apart” sounded way sexier and less serial-killery in my head
It’s all fun and games until you realize that cute little puppy that you took in is the most proficient shitting machine that ever walked the earth.
She didn’t believe I was single so I showed her my bathroom with the Metallica poster