@dance_blessed

Your love is like Vicodin. You take away my pain but make me sick to stomach afterwards and you’re also white.

@dance_blessed

I’m a low maintenance girlfriend. Just bring me a bouquet of cats.

@dance_blessed

Lust is not real love and Domino’s is not real pizza but both are fine when you’re drunk.

@dance_blessed

Dear car commercials,
You probably don’t mean to scare me but “German engineering” is also why I don’t have so many cousins today.

@dance_blessed

Remember: You are like a snowflake. Beautiful. Unique. White. Only here for a short time. People get mad when you sit on their cars.

@dance_blessed

I got this “breathe” tattoo because I don’t have a central nervous system and it’s a helpful reminder.

@dance_blessed

“You’ll never get the butt you want by sitting on the one you have.”
-Maya Angelou

@dance_blessed

The club can’t even handle me right now. Like, the club’s just had a very emotionally draining day and the club’s been in a weird place.