decorating my apartment
Your love is like Vicodin. You take away my pain but make me sick to stomach afterwards and you’re also white.
I’m a low maintenance girlfriend. Just bring me a bouquet of cats.
“She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts.”
Lust is not real love and Domino’s is not real pizza but both are fine when you’re drunk.
Dear car commercials,
You probably don’t mean to scare me but “German engineering” is also why I don’t have so many cousins today.
Remember: You are like a snowflake. Beautiful. Unique. White. Only here for a short time. People get mad when you sit on their cars.
I got this “breathe” tattoo because I don’t have a central nervous system and it’s a helpful reminder.
“You’ll never get the butt you want by sitting on the one you have.”
The club can’t even handle me right now. Like, the club’s just had a very emotionally draining day and the club’s been in a weird place.