Got to check out Godzilla Vs. Kong early and if you’re a fan of buildings I’ve got some bad news for you.
I’m looking for a very tall gf to reach the cookies, or a very small gf I can lift up to get the cookies.
Hey yea man, send me that YouTube link. I’m definitely gonna watch it and not just default send back “lol” after a few minutes.
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets. Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets.
Kindly respect my midwestern lifestyle and do not make any crude or irreverent jokes at this time.
My gf 1 month in: haha OMG I love your Twitter. I definitely don’t think it’s weird, it’s so clever!
My gf 2nd month: listen
Swords just aren’t naturally “wooooshy” enough for me, that’s why I add the noise. That’s why I add the noise, Janet.
No, I can’t come to your wedding. I just realized the remote works through the blanket.
Good guy in movie shot 3 times: I must save my family
Me, kinda sore from trampoline sesh: sorry gramma can’t make it to your 85th bday
100% of murder victims who responded to the survey really freaked us out.
Adobe update is ready to install *gazes longingly into the distance*, but I don’t think I am.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah’s ark.
I’m on chapter two of the dictionary and this thing is just so disconnected. Like, what happened to the aardvark from the beginning?
Pancake in Spanish is panqueque, which translates back into English as *does raise the roof motion* bread whaaaat whaaaat
Empty out and clean a mace container.
Fill with water
Stare into the eyes of your enemies as you spray your own eyes and never blink