he died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish
A mustache is just mouth bangs.
I went from rags to one rag.
thought i was a minimalist, but it turns out i’m just broke
Don’t beat an alive horse either.
a McRib killed my tapeworm
What is your favorite movie where Tom Cruise runs really fast?
if you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play
they shouldn’t make rare paintings “priceless” – they should give them a price. that way if they’re stolen, the thief has a number to go with when selling the rare paintings
everyone hates my volcano jokes, but i LAV-a them!
(my loneliness is paralyzing)
i wish i could marry a nap
IT’S SATURDAY & TONIGHT I’M PARTYING LIKE A ROCKSTAR!!!
*folds laundry*
*cleans litter box*
*makes friendship bracelet for karate instructor*
i said i was a “bawler” not a “baller” – i meant that i cry a lot
What is your favorite movie about juice from a beetle?
He died doing what he loved – meeting people from Craigslist to buy furniture.