The person with duct tape holding most of their car together always has the right-of-way.
When someone reads your message, then never responds, it’s just hurtful.
I mean, what else could they possibly have going on at 3 AM?
I’d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
Throw me to the wolves and they’ll come back with cute names, little sweaters & an affinity for baby talk.
Meltdowns are what happens when you compartmentalize your thoughts, but forget to label them.
I’m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn’t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
The love I feel for my family is always constant. My tolerance is another matter.
People with house arrest ankle bracelets get so touchy when you compare them to a dog’s invisible fence.
Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.
I want to be in a heavy metal band just so I can scream terrible things at crowds of people and not be accused of having PMS.
Familiarity with a stranger might mean they’re an old soul you knew in a former life.
But it’s more likely a sociopath.
~Inspirational
Leap years mean nothing when you have bad knees.
I don’t care what anyone says, “catlike indifference” is a compliment.
If someone shows up at my house unannounced, I won’t open the door.
I just stand on the other side of the glass shaking my head no.
A lady posted her grandmother’s brownie recipe, so I tried making them. Turns out her grandma was a terrible cook