Hubs: You treat me like a child
Me: That is completely ridiculous. Now go brush your teeth, it’s almost your bedtime.
There are 3 kinds of players on my child’s soccer team:
Those who play to win, those who come to socialize, and those who put war paint on their face with dandelions.
After 10 years of appointments, I know about everything about my dental hygienist, the only thing she knows about me is “hyugh.”
Should I fix the hail damage on my car? I mean, not everyone can say their car resembles a golf ball.
Pulling my treadmill out of the closet after an 11 month vacation, I’m pretty sure I heard it say “not this again.“
Hub said to go ahead and buy my own Valentine’s Day present.
Looks like he’s going to be very generous this year.
The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.
Our dog came in half-frozen after her walk. I haven’t seen that cat grinning this big since our dog had to wear the cone of shame.
My coworkers are trying to talk me into doing a Polar Plunge. If I want to be doused into freezing cold water I’ll just have someone flush while I’m taking a shower.
He said he absolutely would not hang Christmas lights today when I asked. Anyway, he’s almost done hanging the lights, they look very nice.
Sorry I asked if today was laundry day. I was just trying to find a way to understand your outfit.
After all these years I still know how to make my husband moan loudly, I just ask him to do a chore around the house.
I never remember names, so name dropping is basically useless around me.
I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.”
I’m like, look we had one night of drunken shopping, we are NOT in a relationship.
Put those painful memories somewhere the mind can’t see them.
Alcohol: *ears perk up*