@debon7

A guy on Intervention is named Bryceton, I thought the intervention was for the parents having more kids

@debon7

Husband: *opens jar of salsa*
Me: That looks like my period

@debon7

If you tell a sob story on American Idol they pick you, so it’s like Twitter

@debon7

You guys have made me afraid to pick up my son’s socks

@debon7

If they don’t want me to ash on the floor,maybe they should put some ashtrays in this gym

@debon7

*walks up to cashier with paper towels*

Are these the largest tampons you have?

@debon7

*pulls lighter from bra*
*lights smoke*

Where’s the shit you made me at school?

@debon7

I bought new running shoes. They look really good while I sit outside and smoke

@debon7

*blows perfect Jesus fish with cigarette smoke*

@debon7

I don’t sit crossed legged to be classy, I’m holding my tampon in