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Page of decentbirthday's best tweets

@decentbirthday : My number constantly gets falsely placed on a youth soccer team’s phone number list. I finally responded.

@decentbirthday: The owner of my AirBnB has a dog named Kevin. His human-sounding name terrified me at first.

@decentbirthday: I’m excited to visit my Grandma tonight, but she just about gave me a heart attack

@decentbirthday: [2025]

student: can i go to the bathroom

teacher: *slams revolver on desk* i don't know, can you

@decentbirthday: me: i have test anxiety

classmate: it's okay, jesus has answers

jesus: *descending from sky* the first three are all D

@decentbirthday: [assigning roles]

god: the sun shall fuel all life on earth

sun: sounds good

god: and the moon shall make tiny waves and werewolves

moon: hell yes

@decentbirthday: cop: way to go, mystery inc., you've caught yet another monster

shaggy: no problem

cop: lets celebrate by eating those brownies we saw in the mystery machine

shaggy: haha lets not do that

@decentbirthday: Some lady just wrong-number texted me so I tried being funny but I think I scared her off from going to brunch

@decentbirthday: friend: they say pennywise takes form of your greatest fear

[later]

tv: the big bang theory marathon starts now!

me: holy shit it's him