Holy shit he’s back
I was very concerned with my Grandma today
Yet another thing they should’ve saw coming
This is why I hate group projects
[first day in hell]
hostess: welcome to hell. please take a seat
waiter: *pouring wine* your steak will be out shortly, sir
me: wow this isn’t so bad
group of waiters approaching in distance: happpppy bir-
My number constantly gets falsely placed on a youth soccer team’s phone number list. I finally responded.
Facebook marketplace is a different world
The owner of my AirBnB has a dog named Kevin. His human-sounding name terrified me at first.
I’m excited to visit my Grandma tonight, but she just about gave me a heart attack
me: i have test anxiety
classmate: it’s okay, jesus has answers
jesus: *descending from sky* the first three are all D
[assigning roles]
god: the sun shall fuel all life on earth
sun: sounds good
god: and the moon shall make tiny waves and werewolves
moon: hell yes
cop: way to go, mystery inc., you’ve caught yet another monster
shaggy: no problem
cop: lets celebrate by eating those brownies we saw in the mystery machine
shaggy: haha lets not do that
friend: they say pennywise takes form of your greatest fear
[later]
tv: the big bang theory marathon starts now!
me: holy shit it’s him
I have no idea what she’s talking about.
guy: excuse me, can you jump my car
me: *tying shoes* probably how tall is it
guy: no like-
me: *handing phone* take a video