@deloisivete

me: I liked your memoir. Not sure why it ended with a recipe though

food blogger:

@deloisivete

The recipe I’m making specifically says “allow to cook undisturbed,” and yet my whole family is standing around in the kitchen

@deloisivete

The neighbors on either side of us have both mowed their lawns twice this week. I think we’re in the middle of a turf war.

@deloisivete

Captcha: pick all the squares with worms

Me: *sigh* why is it always click bait

@deloisivete

There’s just something about my posture after sitting in front of a computer for hours, a certain je ne sais quasimodo

@deloisivete

It is what it is. Unless it’s cauliflower. Then it is what it isn’t.

@deloisivete

Do people who name their kids Tucker not know about the banana-fana song?