6: that’s none of your business
4: it IS my business
6:
4: what does business mean
Can’t wait for my family to go to sleep so I can do that thing I like*
*eat the good cheese
My kid didn’t like how his stuffed animal was behaving, so he renamed him Not-Listening-Ostrich, and I’m just over here wondering how to update some birth certificates
4: I didn’t know lizards were cold
6:
4:
6: BLIZZards
It only looks like my kids are having popsicles for breakfast, Brenda, those are clearly frozen smoothies
me: umm did you tell your teacher that means pretend karate moves?
6: no
me:
A horror movie, but it’s just me afraid to go into the kitchen after the kids made cookies by themselves for the first time
*leaving a wedding*
me: her dress was really beautiful
husband: whose?
me:
husband:
me: the…the bride’s
me: what’s your sign
chef: spisces
A cooking competition where contestants make whatever they want but my husband wanders around the kitchen and stands in front of the drawer they need
6yo: mom, how do you spell ‘do not touch’
4yo: mom, how do you spell ‘yes touch’
Not to brag, but my kid asked me to guess an animal that starts with “komodo dra-” and I got it in one try
My kid set up a play office then kicked me out so he could have a meeting, which…I mean…fair enough
4: mom, [6] said if I eat my broccoli he’ll give me a prize, will you give me a prize too?
me: well, being healthy and strong is a good prize
4: no
Kid 1: *super tired, falls asleep early*
Me: *gets hopes up for easy bedtime*
Kid 2: *hold my espresso*