Heading to the hairdresser after lockdown like
me: *vacuums up ant*
ant: oh no
me: *vacuums up all the food the kids dropped*
ant: oh wait
The most dangerous game but it’s just me seeing how many pages of a kids book I can skip at bedtime
When they talk about CIA on cooking shows
What they mean: Culinary Institute of America
What I hear: spy-chefs
Good night hand
Good night toe
Good night every noun I know-my toddler, at bedtime
me: I liked your memoir. Not sure why it ended with a recipe though
food blogger:
The recipe I’m making specifically says “allow to cook undisturbed,” and yet my whole family is standing around in the kitchen
The neighbors on either side of us have both mowed their lawns twice this week. I think we’re in the middle of a turf war.
Captcha: pick all the squares with worms
Me: *sigh* why is it always click bait
There’s just something about my posture after sitting in front of a computer for hours, a certain je ne sais quasimodo
It is what it is. Unless it’s cauliflower. Then it is what it isn’t.
Do people who name their kids Tucker not know about the banana-fana song?