My kid got so bored he asked to do chores, so if you need me, I’ll be over here on my fainting couch
Our movers are finally here and I’m realizing my husband labeled boxes like “books, prob.”
Found some beef jerky under my kid’s pillow, and now I have some questions for the tooth fairy
ad: this vacuum cleans the worst messes
my kid: hold my cheerios
my kid: *drops cheerios*
A new house isn’t a home until you’ve let a bag of salad die in the fridge
me: ooh wonder what kind of hawk that is
my 5yo, helpfully: maybe a mo-hawk
My kids are trying to decide what sign they want to put on their new bedroom door, and so far they’ve narrowed it down to:
boys only
boys rule
no girls except at bedtime
sometimes girls
My 5yo won a toy from the claw machine, so now I’m going to make him buy me a lottery ticket
*road trip*
husband, day 1: absolutely no eating in the car
husband, day 4: *handing brisket to the kids in the backseat*
90% of moving to a new house in the summer is just figuring out which switch turns on the ceiling fan
Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad
If you ever wanted to watch another human take 20 minutes to eat 1 slice of bread because all of a sudden they were soo hungry, then kid bedtime™️ might be right for you
You don’t scare me, you’re not a group of middle schoolers I have to walk past
The only good part about moving is you find every single pair of scissors you have ever owned
Just witnessed a home depot walk of shame (guy taking his purchase back in because it wouldn’t fit in his car)