If you ever wanted to watch another human take 20 minutes to eat 1 slice of bread because all of a sudden they were soo hungry, then kid bedtime™️ might be right for you
You don’t scare me, you’re not a group of middle schoolers I have to walk past
The only good part about moving is you find every single pair of scissors you have ever owned
Just witnessed a home depot walk of shame (guy taking his purchase back in because it wouldn’t fit in his car)
In high school, one of my friends was a mormon who wanted to have twins named Idaho and Udaho, and I think about that a lot
When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little mysteries you get to solve later on
This store brand ice cream tastes like someone tried chocolate once, then spent years drunkenly trying to recreate it in a lab
My 5yo told me he’s carrying coins in his pocket in case he runs into any guys he has to pay, and now I have questions
Moved the bed for the first time in years and found 47 hair ties, a toy steak, and the lost city of atlantis
Do I have to wear real clothes?
-my kid on the last day of school
My kid just announced that when he’s a grown up he’s going to go to the ice cream shop every day, and now I want to be a grown up too
Found a potato way under my kid’s bed and I’m not even surprised, just relieved it’s not that old of a potato
*packing suitcases*
kid 1: stuffed animals, toy cellphone in side pocket
kid 2: stick
When my kids ask me anything before coffee
Someone asked us to sign a petition in favor of backyard chickens and now my kids have a new idea for a pet